Becoming aware of unwanted thoughts, behaviors and feelings take a lot of determination on a daily basis. I noticed the more I become self-aware, the more I freed up energy.

And I also noticed where I was slipping. For example, moving into behaviors to fulfill old emotional addictions; thinking thoughts that did not serve me. The same old thoughts turned into the same old emotions. And the same old habits fed my emotional addictions. Sometimes this was hard to look at. I observed how I started to even judge myself and how I started to disempower myself.

The equipment for survival
It helped me to realize that it is the little “me” working itself out as a personality from past experiences. It is the equipment I come with. Without sounding like an excuse, it is the equipment for survival. The brain searches for patterns that reflect what it already has stored as a hard-wired neuron circuit (a victim circuit in the brain attracts more shaming experiences). With the search for re-enforcement of old patterns, the brain wants to protect the survival of the body-mind unit and its identity.
And, my body stores emotions from the past to make sure it has control of the future (which of course never happens).

The mind child
PaRisHa calls the mind, the mind child. It is a child trying to survive and it needs my acceptance. As The larger ME, my True Being I can sit with my mind child and observe in self-compassion. I understand the need for survival of the old identity. By recognizing, admitting, and declaring unwanted patterns, I also choose to nurture and allow the space for self-forgiveness as the larger ME, the Observer.

One at a time
For a start, it helps to start with just one emotion, just one unwanted thought pattern. This gives me enough space, in the beginning, to stay more often the observer, non-judgmental, and in the present moment. Soon this leads to greater awareness, which then makes the process of eliminating the old self easier.

Rosemarie Heyer, Germany

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